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Sunday evening:

I just got back from a slightly stressful evening stroll down the streets of Bangkok. I started out at sunset thinking I would go to the shopping center about 1/2 miles away and get some drink for the morning. It is very difficult to eat breakfast here. No omelets or scrambled eggs and toast to be found. Today, being Sunday in particular, I woke up with such a craving for hash browns, eggs, toast and jam! Oh, heaven. Jason admits to cravings for western food despite Thailand's well-earned reputation for delicious food. One of these days, we will go have pizza and beer and smile all through the meal. Yes, there is Starbucks (thank the heavens), Pizza Hut, KFC, McDonalds, Sizzler and even Baskin Robbins.

Thais eat meat noodles and rice veggies for every meal. I have not developed my constitution to the point of eating this fare at 7 a.m. So, I depend on a yogurt drink to get me through till I eat later in the day. I usually average two meals a day at the most here. This is in partly due to the heat, the difficulty of figuring out what to eat and the stomach flips I experience several times a day when I see raw meat sitting out in the hot sun.

After walking a few blocks, watching activities and watching people watch me and bombarded by the never-ending rush and roar of traffic, I found that I had lost my bearings. I stopped in the middle of the sidewalk and began to look in all directions for something familiar. I hate appearing to look like I don't know where I am in a foreign country as a woman alone. Not a comforting feeling. I know its ridiculous but I feel like everyone who is looking at me is thinking, "crazy walking white woman is lost again."

It had turned dark quickly and the street atmosphere immediately changed, or so it felt to me. I became a little nervous, but I worried without cause. More than being worried, I was frustrated at how easy it was for me to become disorientated even when I had been trying to remain focused.

In my defense, there is just too much stimulus everywhere and my thoughts get blasted right out of my head when I am dodging motorcycles and cars pulling out suddenly from alleyways or my gaze lands upon a street vendor selling roasted pig with the intestines draped around its head. It is such a chaos of sight and sound and smell that it is hard to remain focused, especially for me who reels from one stimulus until another comes along---I think it's the artist/writer in me---because things leave a dramatic impression on me and I ponder everything and I get lost in the pondering only to find I don't know where I am at! It isn't that I don't know what's going on around me, it's that I am too aware of what's going on around me and it all distracts me!

In Bangkok, it is dangerous to cross the streets so there are walkways above the streets. Tonight I watched an old lady stand in the middle of the street with her luggage and cars raced inches from her on either side. She just stood there until there was an opening in the traffic. I use the walkways whenever I can. I need to remember that when you go up the walkway the stairs on the other side of the street you come down in the opposite direction from which you were walking. This adds to my confusion and lack of direction. A friend once told me that I must have angels looking out for me. If so, they will be doing overtime while I am in Thailand.

I finally found some familiar territory several blocks from the condo and was greatly relieved. My desire to go out had been quickly extinguished and all I wanted to do was get into the apartment and have a glass of wine and write. I went into the Family Mart for the drinking yogurt for morning and to find some tea and munchies. All we ever have in the refrigerator is water and juice as we eat all meals out. Imagine shopping for food written in another language! Imagine trying to determine what is fruit and what is vegetable? And what part of what animal is what? Once I ended up buying dried green peas covered in cuttlefish powder which wasn't too successful. Another time I bought mango dried in sweeten chili powder, another failure. Tonight I ended up getting loose tea instead of tea bags-at least it is tea although there is an abundance of leaves and twigs floating on the surface of my cup! For the life of me I cannot find peanut butter, but I do find all kinds of "interestingly" colored spreads---for now, I avoid those. I have not figured out what the unrefrigerated pink eggs in plastic cups are all about either. Thais like there food sweet and sugar is added to everything. Fruit and meals are served with a packet of sugar and dried chilis. It is a taste one must develop but I find it okay. I cannot believe I am craving something with salt! Not to be found, even chips and pretzels have sugar on them.

I am gradually understanding what it means to live in a developing country. (Of course, I've only been in the city so far when I go to the country and hill tribes, that will be entirely something else.) It means that in case of fire, and you live on the 14th floor of a cement condo, you pray like hell. It means that telephone wires and wires from street lights and store signs dangle everywhere and even stretch across the sidewalk. It means that there is no control on vehicle emissions and policeman and outdoor workers all wear protective masks. It means children ride motorcycles without helmets while stray dogs abound on the streets. It means polluted water in the canals and garbage in the street corners. It means pedestrians have no right of way. It means no OSHA regulations and one can only wonder what "pasteurized" really means. It means public water is unsuitable for drinking; even to brush one's teeth. It means no health department looking over the food served anywhere in the city, including and particularly on the streets. It means that policemen, government officials and border patrol still take bribes. It means that what is "fair and equitable" is determined significantly by "who you know." It means that an old woman will sell handmade grass brooms from a cart to a young woman wearing fake designer clothes. It means only cold water out of bathroom faucets in modern facilities. It's all very interesting.

This is a big week starting tomorrow. I am taking myself out and about alone by street taxi, river taxi and sky train through Bangkok. I plan to visit several famous wats, the National Art Gallery and whatever else sounds interesting. On Thursday, I leave for a four day trip to Burma where we will celebrate the Thailand's King's birthday with a formal dinner at the Thai Embassy in Burma. It is all a very big deal and I can't believe this opportunity presented itself. I will travel with Sunsnee, a single Thai woman my age, her sister, Venus, wife of the Colonel and several of Jason's friends from England and USA. Should be an absolute blast! Travel is restricted into Burma right now, particularly for Americans; we can do this only because the Colonel has arranged it.

Wednesday December 3, 2003

As I write the date I think about the snow that must be falling or has fallen in Montana. There is no hint of winter here with temperatures of 85 - 90 degrees and the daily blaze of sunshine. Hints of the Christmas season appears occasionally and only in the malls with carols sung in Thai accents. Without that tiny reminder, I would not even realize Christmas is a few weeks away. The carols do make me homesick, especially for sharing the holiday with my daughter. This year my son and I are going to spend Christmas at his Thai mom's house. Sunsnee who will cook a traditional Thai dinner for us and some other friends.

There are some interesting little tidbits about living here in Bangkok. One has a variety to choose in forms of travel. So far I've done the sky train, taxi, river taxi and the city bus. The bus is very interesting. I stand at the bus station and everyone stares at me. The people in the other buses that go by stare at me. The people on the bus which I get on stare at me. I am trying to get over the feeling of being looked at constantly. Jason said he had to adjust as well to this phenomenon. Today, when I was trying to decide between a bright blue dress and a more Thai-conforming-style black skirt and shirt, I thought "why worry?" There is no way I could be stared at more than I am already no matter what I wore!

The bus is very cheap only 5 baht compared to a taxi which can be 40 baht or more depending on distance. (12 cents versus $1.00) The bus rates vary as well. The cheapest bus, and one crowded to the brim with people hanging out the sides at rush hour, is the air bus. I will never ride an air bus. The next step up is the fan bus and then the air con bus. Getting into a taxi, bus or river boat is all about trust. Trust that the directions you got from a non-speaking to a somewhat speaking Thai were accurate enough to get you in the right direction. Then you have to trust the taxi driver, or the bus attendant to let you know when to get off at your destination (remember street signs are all in Thai). Then you to trust that they could really understand your pronunciation of the destination you wanted to go to! Thai language is all based on tones. You get one tone off and it means something entirely different. That is why I never have strong expectations when I set out the door. All I know is that I'll end up somewhere that day and it will all be an adventure.

I enjoy taking the water taxi. I just like being on the water and feeling the boat rush along the river. The river is murky brown. One does not want to lean over the edge of the boat hoping for a refreshing mist on a hot day. If one does that, they instead will get sludged. There is something about moving on water than makes me happier than moving in miles of traffic. So, I will set out again today for a long walk to the pier and hop on a river taxi for a new destination. I am an optimist always! I'll end up somewhere today, maybe not where I intended or in the order I intended but it will be "all good" just the same. And best of all---I've been making it back home every day as well!

Shopping has been interesting. I think shopping is a universal language. Women just know how to communicate to each other in stores. I've been able to find my size, (usually the largest non-China doll size on the racks) the material I want, the color I want and something to match without speaking any Thai!! Quite funny actually. I walked out of the dressing room in an outfit yesterday and the Thai saleswoman gave me thumbs up!
I also love being called Mademoiselle every where I go. It makes me feel so Mademoiselley!

There are hundreds of salespeople in the stores. It is not uncommon to find six to ten salespeople just hanging out waiting for a customer. The day I had to buy an amp converter for my battery charger, I had eight Thai people helping me locate one little black box! The salespeople also will shadow you as well. It is their idea of being helpful. I have bumped into several of them when I turn quickly! The way I buy things here is to talk to my friend Nun or another English speaking Thai and explain what I want (especially if it is a complicated thing such as the converter) and have them write it out in Thai for me. I give the note to a salesperson. Again, its all a game of chance!

Other unusual things I've seen in the stores and restaurants include being able to buy all kinds of liquor in the supermarkets. Heineken beer is famous and it is served in pitchers with ice. They even have Heineken beer gardens. Wine is miserable here. Whiskey is the country's drink of choice.

There is no salt and pepper on the tables. Only sugar and chilis. The diet is sweet. I am craving salt; even pretzels have sugar on them.

On the tables in restaurants there are sheets of toilet paper for napkins. Even in the nicest places. It has a dual purpose. For in the restrooms (toilets) there is no toilet tissue. So I always have my purse stocked with TP. The bathrooms have also been interesting. There are two types of toilets: western and squat. The squat takes some getting used to and I'd rather avoid them unless there is no other choice. What is amusing is to come across a western toilet with shoe prints on the rim!

Thai girls and women buy skin whitening cream and it is sold everywhere. The code of dress appears to be either black pants or black skirts and light colored shirts. People always look clean. High style actually in the city. I've seen the most amazing shoes here on tiny feet. It has been years since I've been exposed to city style.

Yesterday I was astonished to see a monk in the mall (I figured he had somehow escaped for the afternoon) but my son told me that is common. Monks will have cell phones, walkmans etc. I have to say it is another one of those shocking contrasts that is so common in Bangkok---to see a saffron dressed monk walking around with head phones on!